OH RAMEEZ

I read the original article bashing the commentary of Rameez Raja on theunrealtimes.com, an Indian website known for publishing spoofs and parodies on cricket and politics.

Hats off to the author for a witty and thoroughly enjoyable piece of writing!

Below is my humble contribution to all those who are united in the belief that Rameez Raja is an awful, awful commentator.
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Commentator Rameez Raja was docked 50% of his salary on Monday after yet another painful stint of commentary during India's stunning win against Pakistan over the weekend.

As Virat Kohli waltzed to yet another splendid century against a high-quality Pakistani bowling attack, all Raja could conjure up on air was, "He's looking as Kohli as a cucumber," causing fellow commentator Sunil Gavaskar to bury his head in shame and not say another word for the rest of the match.

This is not the first time Raja has been penalized for his commentary. In 2007 he was officially warned by the ICC when his commentating of an India versus Sri Lanka encounter forced nearly half the viewers to switch to The Paint Grower's Channel.

But on Sunday, patience was running low for viewers at home as well. Pankaj Singh, a software engineer from Punjab, said he almost did damage to his television after listening to Raja rant about cucumbers and bullets on air.

"All I wanted to do was enjoy my weekend by staying home and watching some cricket," said a visibly distressed Singh, a father of two who retired from cricket after dropping the same batsman thrice in one over while fielding at long-on.

"I almost put a shoe through my TV when Raja started commentating - good thing my cousin was there to stop me or else I would have had to buy a new one."

Singh said he ended up muting his television set and left the commentating to his three-year-old daughter, who he said did a better job than Raja.

But with reports coming in that Raja is working extra hard on improving his commentary, things could be looking up.

While his fellow commentators enjoyed a round of golf at the scenic Kurmitola Golf Club in Dhaka on Monday, Raja opted to stay inside the media box at the Sher-e-Bangla Stadium and practice his commentating.

"How does Ravi Shastri sound so cool on air?" he was heard muttering furiously before attempting several versions of, "that went to the fence faster than a tracer bullet," eventually causing a smattering of crows on the outfield to scatter in alarm.

Aussie commentating king Richie Benaud said that Raja needed to focus on the basics of calling the game, and perhaps try saying it instead of spraying it.

"Commentating is like bowling," Benaud said in his trademark calm and reassuring voice. "You've got to maintain a consistent line and length that always keeps the batsman interested."

"Right now Rameez is all over the place - he's bowling wides and no-balls - perhaps he's just in the middle of a really bad spell."

With the IPL just around the corner, cricket fans can expect some relief to their ears as Ravi Shastri will once again grace the mic during the eight week cricket bonanza.